(The following is a third draft, of a "I Jump, You Jump Jack" colaboration)
The Fastest Kid Alive
By JS Wooten
Petey Perry's parents gave him the slickest bike around last Christmas: the Coaster 7000 by Hershes. The Coaster 7000 did not look like any other bike out there. It's carbon fiber frame construction, super light carbon fiber wheels, and Bimbro carbon fiber bike brakes, screamed “SPEED” to anyone who saw it. It's paint job, a special translucent paint Petey's dad got specifically for him that tinted from red to yellow to orange in the light, always impressed those who saw Petey riding past them in a multi-colored blur. All the kids in the neighborhood loved the bike, the parents loved the bike, but Perry found it lacking. It just didn't go fast enough and would need to go faster if he were to achieve his dream.
The Coaster did come with red, yellow, and orange streamers that could be removed to reduce drag. This helped a little, but Petey wanted to go faster. He needed to achieve his dream, so he visited the Coaster 7000 parts page on the Hershes.com website and asked his parents to buy all of the sleeker high speed optional parts for his bike.
His parents were hesitant to buy him these parts at first. But, then Petey utilized his amazing powerpoint skills to give them a presentation on why spending the extra money made economic sense, how it would guarantee they would not have to buy him another bike for at least three years, and how they could sell the parts they were replacing online for a decent profit. The parents, happy with their son's advanced powerpoint skills and ability to be persuasive at the age of 10, placed the order for the new parts. Petey patiently waited the estimated 2 to 5 business days for them arrive. He waited at dinner, he waited at school, and he even waited on the playground. He needed those parts. He needed the Coaster 7000 to go faster for his dream. His dream: to be the faster person alive on two wheels.
The high speed performance parts for the Coaster 7000 arrived the full five business days later. Petey, trying to show some sort of decorum in front of his parents, moved all of the boxes to the garage and slowly took them out of their individual boxes. Feeling satisfied with the purchases, the floppy dark haired 10 year old put on his coveralls (complete with a “Petey” patch), and set about to make the Coaster 7000 thousand the fast bike on earth!
He used his mother's tools to remove the chain guard. With the bulky peace of steel removed, he could get to his chain and replace it with the high tensile strength polymer chain that the Hershes claimed would give the rider; “... enhanced speed to rival that of Tour De France bikes.”
The chain replaced, Petey proceeded to install the new carbon fiber chain guard, making sure the chain did not bind and the guard was secured. Petey moved on to the hand grips, replacing the standard red, yellow, and orange spiraled ones with carbon fiber grips that were supposed to enhance the rider's steering abilities at high speed.
The grips secure, Petey then unscrewed the seat and replaced it with the “COASTER 7000 LIMITED DRAG SEAT”! It's a carbon fiber seat, but Petey thought it sat better then original. Last in line for replacement were the reflectors on the front and back of the bike. The normal reflectors, caused too much drag by sticking out too far in front of the bike. The new ones were very small rectangular reflector strips, more powerful than normal reflectors, and adhered to the frame in the front and the back.
His work was now complete. Petey removed his coveralls, put on his cherry red metallic helmet with matching red goggles, and perched himself onto his bike. As the garage door slowly opened, he found that every kid in the neighborhood was outside with their bikes waiting to see the reveal of the new and improved, Coaster 7000. All of the kids, ranging from 6 to (a jaded) 13 year old, awed and oohed at the bike as Petey slowly rode through them to the end of his driveway.
There, he looked to his left, then to his right, and then pointed. The kids (especially the jaded 13 year old) screamed out; “NO! YOU CAN'T! IT'S INSANITY!”
Petey laughed and said only two words in a much deeper voice than usual for a 10 year old. Those words were; “I must.”
He rode the Coaster 7000 to the top of the top of Grant's Hill, better known to adults as the intersection of LaMont and Samford. Samford being the road Petey's house sat on, and Lamont being the road it met at the very top of a very treacherous 45 degree angle. It was a hill all the kids loved during Winter, but a hill they approached with apprehension during Summer.
Kids from all over town would ride their bikes to the “Grant's”, as they liked to call it, and each one would leave with either a broken bike or a part of their body broken (often arms). This was because the speeds reached would cause their bikes to lose control and hit one of the cars on the street. It was often Dan Richmond's car that was hit. Every Summer he would have to take a kid to the hospital and get some kid's parents to pay for the damage. After 10 years of this happening, Dan finally parked his car in the drive way, but it still got hit by flying kids and their bikes much to his dismay.
The Grant's is not something one takes lightly, but Petey was determined to be the fast kid ever on a bike. He saw Grant Ishii attempt to become the fast kid alive on the Coaster 4000, at the age of 8. And even though Grant flew off his bike into the Yacobelli's house and missed three full Summers recuperating because of it, Petey knew that the souped up Coaster 7000 would not fail him. He knew he would be the first to survive a downhill ride on Grant's Hill. He told himself this everyday since last Christmas, when he unwrapped the Coaster 7000 by the Christmas tree.
The kids ascended the hill walking their bikes as Petey rode his. At the top he stood behind them and there was silence. Some of the passing motorists even pulled over to see if Petey was actually going to ride down Evan's Hill. Many called it “Evan's” because when they were kids, Evan road down the hill on the Coaster 1000 and flew into the Yacobelli's house.
Adults, teenagers, and kids in attendance, Petey gave them a wave and turned his bike around to find his perspective. There, at the very bottom of the hill, he could see his house. He left the garage door open with the hope that once he landed, he could ride straight into his garage and shut the door. It would be an amazing exit and Petey hoped that he could pull it off.
The quiet crowd started to push and lean forward. They wanted to have a perfect view of what would be, history. Petey let go of the brake and started descending. He pedaled as fast as he could with his very skinny legs until the sheer momentum the tires created made it impossible for his pedaling to keep up. It's at this moment something funny happened to Petey. Everything around him began to blur into streams of light and images started to flash before him. He began to see his future. He saw himself older, married, and with kids. He saw his wife, Meghan, with her auburn hair in the air smiling at him. He saw his parents, much older, holding their grand kids. He even saw himself and his kids riding Coaster 13000s together. The last two images he saw was a room full of five grown children, grand children, and great grand children smiling and laughing at his and Meghan's 50th wedding anniversary, and the second being a much younger Megan standing on a dock looking at the water. He walks up behind her to kiss her, they smile, and the moment from the future leads to tears starting to run from Petey's eyes. Then suddenly his front tire hit a pebble.
Everything around him came back into view as he tried valiantly to use his carbon fiber handgrips to gain control of his bike. But, he lacked the strength to get it under control. The bike went flying from underneath him, and he started to fly towards the Yacobelli's house. He remembered that the Yacobelli's moved during the Winter.
Why this matters is that without a house to go flying into, Petey would keep flying until he hit Old Man Tree all the way over on Culver Street. The thought of dying by hitting a tree made him shutter. But, he hit rubber fence and somehow landed in a pool.
Petey, screamed out; “MEGHAN I LOVE YOU”, before landing in the the deep end of the pool and as he sank, he tried to figure out what just happened. Before he could think about it too much, a man dove into the pool, put his right arm under both of Petey's, and pulled him up to the surface. The man removed his helmet and goggles, but Petey could not see his face because the sun blocked his vision. The man stepped back a bit and there, smiling at Petey, stood a much older and goateed Grant Ishii.
He walked back inside of his house, came back out of it with a towel, and handed it to Petey. The young boy looked at his legs to find they were not as scratched up as he thought. He also looked over at Grant Ishii again, who kept smiling at him. Grant looked to Petey like a very old man, but in reality he was only 25. Petey still lacked the ability to gauge ages.
Grant asked him a question that Evan once asked him a few years ago; “So, did you see your future?”
Petey, realizing now that's what he witnessed flash in front him, responded; “Yeah, I did.”
Grant continued with another obvious question; “So, that's why you were screaming about loving Meghan?”
Petey, embarrassingly replied; “Yeah. She's my wife in the future. I guess.”
Before Grant could ask another question, Petey asked one of his own.
“So, why didn't I go flying through the Yacobelli's house like you did?”
Grant laughed as he told him; “I bought it from the Yacobelli's and tore it down. I figured that some kid would try to ride down Evan's. I guess it's my hill, but now it's probably yours. Why let kids risk flying through a house like I did.”
He continued; “Their house sat right in front of my parents. So, once I had the money, I bought their house, helped with their retirement fund, and built this awesome pool.”
The young man, then took a moment to remember how much it sucked to go flying through that house. How mad his parents were at him. How the Yacobelli's were not as mad, but more fascinated out how fast he had to be going to fly through most of their house. He also thought about how those 3 years spent in a wheelchair from ages 14 to 17, helped him to become the software engineer that he is today, and enabled him to have enough money to tear down a house and put a large pool in its place. Grant smiled and continued.
“I put up this rubber fence at the place where I hit the Yacobelli's house, so that you or anyone else who rides down that hill, could hit it without causing you or them any damage, and put up a swimming pool at the exact spot where I landed 7 years ago. That reminds me, how old are you kid and what's your name?”
Petey responded; “I'm 10 and it's Petey.”
Grant's jaw dropped a little.
“You're 10?”
Petey responded; “Yeah.”
Grant stood up and told the bravest little kid he'd ever seen right in front of him; “Dude, I got to shake your hand and congratulate you on surviving Petey's Hill.”
Petey liked the sound of that. He stood up and shook Grant's hand as all the neighborhood kids arrived to see Petey alive and well. The jaded 13 year old kid with his pretentious hair cut that only covered one side of his face, screamed loud enough to blow back his hair and for all to hear, even Petey's parents; “PETEY'S ALIVE! HOLY FUCK SNAILS! PETEY IS ALIVE AND GRANT ISHII HAS A POOL!”
Grant screamed back at all the kids; “POOL PARTY?”
All the kids screamed; “YES!”
Petey stayed to thank Grant for building the pool. Grant thanked him for reminding him why he did it in the first place. Petey decided he better walk home to get his swim trunks.
Before he could even set one single foot on Samford street, there stood Dan Richmond holding the beaten but not destroyed, Coaster 7000. Petey and the other kids knew how pissed Dan got when his car got hit, so the bravest little kid on earth just stood there waiting to be yelled at, but Dan rubbed him on the head. The large man with even larger hands, gave Petey his bike and told him in his loud and echoing voice; “You didn't hit my car kid. Good job.”
He waved over at Grant, who waved back, and asked Petey; “Is everyone invited to the pool party?”
Petey, looking at his bike that he could amazingly still ride, told Dan; “yeah”, to which Dan replied; “Awesome. See ya there kid.”
The Coaster 7000 survived the fastest hill in the neighborhood and Petey wanted to hug his bike, so he did. Then he heard the girliest girl's voice behind him say; “Do you always hug your bike, or only after you fly off of it into a swimming pool?”
There, sitting in front of him on a Coaster 6000 with it's own special translucent blue, green, and purple paint job, and wearing the prettiest pink and with white flowered sundress he had ever seen, a girl with the most amazing brown eyes and auburn hair. Petey did not remember seeing the girl before, which means she had to be from Culver Street or another two or three streets over.
Petey, in his typical nonchalant fashion replied to her; “It's an awesome bike. I'm glad that I can still ride it.”
The two kids stared at one another for a minute before it hit Petey he had to introduce himself.
“I'm Petey. Petey Perry. I live right over there.”
He pointed to his house, where his parents stood in the driveway. They were clearly puzzled at all of the kids, teenagers, and adults shaking their hands as they passed by.
He turned back to see the girl, but she was gone. Petey sighed a little, until he heard her voice from behind him. She apparently road around him while he looked at his parents. She told him in her very girlie voice that Petey really liked for some reason; “I'm Megan Mullins. I live over on Alexander. The Culver Street kids were going on and on about this happening, so I rode over to see it with my brother, Brandon. He's 13. I'm 10. Are you 10?”
Petey thought to himself that this couldn't be that Megan. It couldn't be. He almost forgot to answer her due to being lost in thought. “I'm 10 too”; he told the girl still riding around him on her very impressive Coaster 6000.
Megan smiled and said; “Cool. We can be friends then.”
Petey thought to himself; “We are going to be more than that.” “Do you want to go to the pool party with me?”
Megan smiled the widest smile Petey ever saw, and said; “Yeah, I would. Can I ride with you before we go?”
Petey smiled and told the girl that may possibly be his wife one day; “Sure, let's go riding together.”
The boy and girl rode all over the neighborhood that day, enjoyed themselves at the pool party, and even had their parents meet. The more time they spent together, the more Petey realized this would be the woman he would spend the rest of his life with. While sitting with her under Old Man Tree, he received one more flash from the future.
On top of Petey's Hill, on a Coaster 13000 with a translucent paint job that featured every color of the rainbow, sat a girl with Megan's eyes and Petey's floppy hair. She waved to the crowd behind her, turned her bike towards her father's hill, and started peddling down it.
Unlike Petey, she had the strength to match the momentum of the tires, and she hit the same spot Petey and Grant went flying, but no rock sent her flying. She kept riding down the street, to a house with an open garage, and rode into it as the garage door closed.
Petey came back to reality, looked at Megan, and said something to her that would confuse until the day their first child is born. He told her; “Our daughter, is going to be so awesome and she's going to be the fastest kid alive.”
The End.
Friday, September 7, 2012
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